Twins and a Toddler - The First Four Weeks

 As of today, we have officially survived one month with three under 1.5 years. The R and W are four weeks old, G is a few days away from turning 18 months, and my husband and I are exhausted.

Here's how our first four weeks went:

Week 1 - What have I done?

As it turns out, when you go to the hospital to deliver twins, they actually expect you to eventually take home both babies. I guess this wasn't much of a surprise, considering they expected us to take home G, our singleton, when he was born. Still, both times we had to leave the hospital with our children, I had this feeling of amazement that they were actually letting us walk out of the hospital with these tiny new humans. 

When it comes to twins, we had a pretty good start. The boys were born full-term and healthy. Neither one had to spend any time in the NICU, which means that we were a lot more fortunate than most twin parents. We spent just over 48 hours in the hospital after my scheduled C-section. The boys spent a good amount of time in the nursery, so my husband and I actually got to sleep a bit in the hospital. Still, I was desperate to get home to G. The hospital had strict restrictions due to the COVID pandemic, which meant that G couldn't come visit.

My biggest worry, from the time I found out I was having twins to the time we brought them home, was the effect the twins would have on G. For seventeen entire months, G was the center of my world. He was my best friend, my playmate, and the light of my life. Because of the pandemic and a unique work-from-home situation, I had spent nearly every moment of his life with him. I was terrified of turning his world upside-down by bringing new babies home.

Every time my mother video-chatted us when we were in the hospital, I burst into tears at the sight of my little boy who, by comparison to his new brothers, no longer seemed so little. I was worried he would hate me for bringing home two new babies. I wondered what I had done. I felt like my heart had been torn into three pieces and I couldn't figure out how to put them together again.

Despite all of my worry, my little boy G took to being a big brother like it was what he was meant to do his whole life. He approached his new brothers with curiosity. He brought them their pacifiers and peered into their bassinet. He smiled at them as I gently placed them into his lap on the couch. He ran to the changing table as they screamed and cried during diaper changes. He only occasionally called them "dog" and tried to pet them.

Week 2 - Maybe we should consider polygamy!

As we entered the second week of twin parenting, we began to settle into something of a routine. The problem was, our routine included my mother. We were incredibly fortunate to have my mother staying with us for the first week and a half of the twins' lives. She took G to her house during the day most days in order to keep his routine the same. Other days, she stayed at our house and we took turns playing with G and caring for the twins. Having her around meant that we had a 1:1 ratio of grown-ups to tiny humans. It made things manageable. I could nap during the day and shower when I needed to. I even managed to take an uninterrupted trip to Target!

Except, all good things must come to an end. That meant that my mother had to go home. About halfway through the twins' second week, we started weaning ourselves off of her help. Garrett would drop off G at her house in the mornings, and we would just have R and W all day. Then after G's nap, around 4pm, Grandma would bring G home and she would stick around until after he went to bed at 7. Then, it was just us until G went back to Grandma's the next morning.

The first night that my mother wasn't staying with us, I joked to my husband that maybe we should add another spouse to the marriage. Not because something was missing from our relationship, but because it would be nice to have a third parent around. Going from a 1:1 ratio to a 2:3 ratio was terrifying for me. What if all three kids needed something at once? Someone had to be ignored for a while and we would have to treat it as a triage situation.

Week 3 - Get out of our room already!

By the beginning of week 3 of R and W's lives, we had settled into something of a routine. G went to Grandma's house Monday-Thursday, like he did when Garrett and I both worked. We had the twins during the day, then G got dropped off around 4:30 in the afternoon. From 5-7:30 was absolute chaos as we entertained G, got the twins fed (still on demand), reheated dinner from our stash of frozen meals, ate dinner and fed G, and put G to bed. By the time 7:30 rolled around, we were exhausted, but we only had two immobile, relatively calm newborns to handle.

The issue became nighttime. The twins only needed to be fed about 3-4 times throughout the night. The problem was, I woke up for every little sigh or grunt. Anyone who has ever seen a newborn sleep knows that they can be unbelievably loud sleepers. I could not sleep at all with the babies next to me.

So, at the beginning of week 3, we kicked the kids out of our room and into their own room. Suddenly, I was only waking up when they cried because they needed to be fed, which meant I was now getting 2ish hours of sleep at a time. It made an incredible difference in my sanity.

Week 4 - What do you mean you're leaving?

My parents have an interesting living situation. My mother lives about 20 minutes from us in New Jersey, and my father lives about 2,000 miles away in Florida. They are still married. My mother doesn't work. She always said she would stop working when she had grandchildren, and true to her word, she did. She is, by choice, a full-time grandma. We are incredibly lucky to have her as our child care since both my husband and I work outside the home. Her commitment to being a full-time grandma comes at the cost of seeing her own husband. My father has always been a work-a-holic, though he did always make time for his family, too. But work is important to him, and when an opportunity opened up in Florida in his very specialized field, he took the opportunity. By coincidence, my mother's mother lives about a mile from my father's house. When the childcare arrangements were decided, the plan was that my mother would fly to Florida every other weekend to spend time with my dad and her mom. But when COVID-19 became a concern, she didn't feel comfortable flying. That meant spontaneous weekend trips were out of the question, as her only safe mode of transport to Florida was by a 16-hour drive.

With my husband and I both on parental leave, my mother had a rare opportunity to see her mother and my father. Still, I was less than happy about the idea of one of my safety nets being ripped away. Without her around, my husband and I had to manage G, R, and W entirely on our own. All day, every day, for two weeks. I was absolutely terrified.

But somehow, we survived the first few days without her. We packed the kids up in the car and went to buy a triple stroller. We took the triple stroller to Target, to the park, and for a walk to a local brewery. We called my mother-in-law to come play with G. We accepted the mess and the chaos, and we survived.

Overall, here's what I learned from my first month of my new life as a mom of 3:

Things will get easier. There are things I didn't think were possible, like taking all three kids to the park or playing with my toddler while holding a baby or managing the needs of two newborns and a less-than-1.5-year-old. But we have survived one full month. Four full weeks. And all three kids are healthy, happy, and thriving.

What I learned from my first month is that I can do this. It won't be easy, and I may be overwhelmed at times, but I can do this.